Source: melodyanne
8 months ago
I’m realizing today that I need to stop saying “it’s not a big deal” when I know IT IS a big deal to be feeling sad for no reason for so many days.
I know we all deal with stuff, and as far as me goes, right now, I am not having the best time of my life. But, deep inside of me, I’d like to remain strong. I’d like to find joy in the middle of so much shit.
The problem now is that I have started to lose hope on that idea, and my own feelings and emotions seem to consume me.
Feelings—I’ve always known you cannot trust them. Either they’re up or down. BUT. They cannot ever balance your status.
Lately, I feel so distant even from the things I love, loved, and wanted to start loving.
It scares me so much to be sitting here, writing this as tears come down my face…
wanting to ask for help. But yet so prideful to do so.
I’d like to ask Jesus for help, but even that’s hard…..
My relationship with God is being affected by how fucking religious-fake the town I live in is.
I want to run away, but my motivation to do so, has to stay in this town for a couple of years more.
WHAT TO DO?
WHAT TO DO?
I know I am going to go crazy attempting to answer this question.
I need help.
from myself.
to myself.
8 months ago
When I think about forgiveness, I usually think about me asking someone to forgive me for what I did, and being able to do so. But, I rarely think about people asking me for forgiveness. Simply because it’s not that I think they haven’t done anything wrong. I just think they don’t need to ask ME for forgiveness, but to themselves for whatever they did.
And, I know it’s important and a very good sign of maturity to be able to say “I am sorry” whenever we have done something wrong or hurtful to other.
I was just not expecting to hear “forgive me” from a friend’s mom this morning.
yeah.
This morning, I was supposed to meet with my friend’s mom. As usual, I like to think and go ahead of myself. And, so I had all this different things in mind about the possible reasons of why she wanted to get together with me so urgently.
We didn’t talk for more than 20 minutes, which were distributed like this:
3 minutes to say hello, and how much we have missed seeing each other.
15 minutes, this woman asking me to forgive her. “Forgive me for letting you down, and not dedicating enough time to you. Forgive me for being absent. I love you! my entire family loves you since when we first met you. I wanna help you, and develop a friendship with you. God loves you, and He is so after you. He sees you when you’re in your lowest point, and isn’t disappointed of what you have done. He loves you all the time”
2 minutes to say good bye.
Tatiana crying outside of MugWalls for 30 minutes.
Crying so much, the owner of MugWalls came outside to give me a hug.
Thank God is early, and there are like 5 other people here, and no one but the owner knows me.
FORGIVENESS.
I’d like to forgive myself.
And ask the people around me to forgive me for whatever it is that I have done negatively.
the end.
9 months ago
I like weddings. Let me rephrase that; I love weddings. I do.
I enjoy the fact that people would come together to celebrate: love and union.
When I go to weddings, I seriously don’t feel like “omg, I want to get married!” Instead, I think about the people’s behavior right there, at the actual wedding.
To be honest, I also see in the weddings that I attend, things I would NOT do in my own wedding if I ever get married. I also get ideas from them, because most of the weddings I’ve been to this past semester, have been a beautiful representation of the union of amazing people.
On Monday, I went to a wedding with my boyfriend. The scenario changed because this time, I went to a wedding as someone who dates, instead of as a single woman. Did it make a difference? yes and no.
Yes, because the entire time I was at this wedding, I felt so uncomfortable by the people around me, and the fact that my boyfriend was there, meant the world to me.
No, because even though, I am currently in love, I still don’t find weddings as a motivation to get married.
But what I want to get out of my system today is: Why are people getting married at the age of 18, 19, 20?
WHY?
I’m not going to say whether is right or wrong.
Before I used to be so against young couples getting married, now, I can maybe see some reasonable points of why. But, what I think it is one of the biggest reasons, and NO ONE talks about it openly: SEX.
They get married at a young age so that they can have sex.
Why? Because they’re “so conservative” they cannot have sex out of marriage.
And yes, I understand sex makes relationships more complicated and intense, but, at the same time, it releases all the stress that each person carries.
To go straight up to my point: I think people need to have sex before they get married for several reasons:
1. You can actually learn how to do it! How to make love to someone isn’t an easy thing.
2. You can be responsible about the way you act, and your own feelings! No because you’re horny, you do it. You do it because you feel it. And feeling it is much more than just desiring it.
3. You can actually make good decisions without letting the sexual part affect you! because most of the couples I know, wouldn’t have married the person they did if they would have slept with them first!
4. Because even though, sex is something you shouldn’t share with everybody, it doesn’t determined where and how your relationship with God is! I’m tired of people using sex as a sin. It can be one, but it’s YOU the one who determines that, not God.
5. If we were more open to talk about sex with our couple, and our parents, LOTS of issues could be solved or not even existent.
so, don’t be afraid of talking about: sex, fucking, banging, whatever you want to call it!
At the end, it’s all the same, and it represents a lot in someone’s emotional, physical, and mental life!
If you disagree, that’s totally fine.
But do NOT use God as an excuse of why you don’t have sex with your boyfriend and girlfriend, but instead get married super young, not knowing anything about the topic or live even because you haven’t grown up, and the process might take a longer time than you thought it would.
that’s been said.
breath in! :)
